Simplifying your life
The Basics
Simplifying your life begins at home
So your partner doesn't fully embrace the "simple living" philosophy
of easing financial burdens by paring back? Find how to reach some common
ground.
By Janet Luhrs
So you’re ready to incorporate the simple living philosophy into your everyday
life but your partner isn’t? It’s a common dilemma that complicates people’s
lives and often creates tension within families.
One partner is willing to forgo more daily conveniences and luxuries in
exchange for earlier retirement. One may want to buy a hot tub, and the other
sees a hot tub as an unnecessary extravagance that puts them further away from
financial goals. One is a saver and the other a spender. These attitudes extend
past money and into many spheres of our lives. What to do?
Communication is key
Set a few ground rules and start talking. In her book, "Sex, Money and
Power,” author Linda Barbanel suggests the following:
1. Only one person may talk at a time.
2. No interrupting or ridiculing.
3. No verbal attacks.
4. No yelling.
5. Each partner should make an effort not to criticize or exhibit a negative,
close-minded attitude.
Before talking with your partner, ask yourself what motivates your attitudes.
This is important because the vast majority of disagreements are not about the
issue at hand, but some underlying issue. Look inside yourself to discover
those underlying feelings that motivate you to be a spendthrift or a
cheapskate. Think about whether you and your partner are equating love with
money or possessions. For instance, how often have you felt disappointed
because your partner spent only $10 or so on a gift
for you? Does that mean he or she loves you less? Set a cap on your gift
giving. It eliminates hard feelings and allows you to focus your finances on
your ultimate goals in life.
Realizing your differences
Once you are ready to talk in an open, compassionate
way, try these steps:
1. Accept that talking about differences in styles is better than not talking,
and that there is no right or wrong way to deal with many issues, such as
finances.
2. Identify and discuss your differences.
3. Identify areas where you both agree.
4. Consider ways to attain common goals.
Whether or not to simplify your lives is no different than other relationship
issues. To stay together, you must compromise. Here are a few of the issues
that could begin the discussion.
Time. Your partner thrives on a packed schedule with a
fast-paced lifestyle while you prefer a more laid-back, free-flowing approach.
Are you frustrated because you want more time alone with your partner? Say so
in a personal, non-confrontational way. Suggest that the two of you set aside
one night a week to be together. Whatever day you pick, keep it sacred and
don’t accept invitations that would interfere.
Money. If you want to save more while your partner
wants to spend, can you agree to save a little less while your partner agrees
to save a bit more? For example, if your goal is to save $100 a month and your
partner never meets that goal, try for $50 a month.
Clutter. If you want a streamlined house and your
partner is a pack rat, perhaps you could set aside a spare room or closet in
your house as the official pack-rat storage area. Spend a Saturday afternoon
going through the clutter. Introduce your partner to the one-year rule: If you
haven’t used or even picked up the item in the past year, it gets tossed or
sold. This allows pack rats to slowly ease into the idea of changing their
lifestyles.
Simple living starts with simplifying your home life. If the relationship with
the most important person in your life is complicated, you’ll never achieve a
simple life.